Shepard's Scars
by Grizkho
Summary: The threat of reapers destroying her home world has forced Shepard's hand. She is in the middle of shifting from a compassionate Paragon to a ruthless Renegade. Can Liara save her from these detrimental decisions or has Shepard passed the point of no return? Established FemShep/Liara. Rated T for now.


Karin Chakwas lifted her gaze from her reports when she heard the door to the medical bay slide open. She made no effort to stand, but the entering asari took no offense. Liara stepped beside Chakwas' desk and folded her arms. It was rare for her to be summoned to the med bay, and as there were currently no patients requiring experiential details about their injuries, it had Liara on edge. Clearly, there was something wrong.

"Dr. T'Soni, so nice to see you. You don't visit often enough, you know." Chakwas playfully reprimanded her, setting her log aside to devote full attention to the asari standing before her. There was a stirring silence then as Karin couldn't help but avert her gaze. "It has come to my attention that the commander has done nothing to improve her scars."

"Shepard and Garrus have a similar affinity for their scars, doctor. They think they are…attractive. I don't really have an opinion on the matter." Liara spoke softly. There was something about her tone that lead Chakwas to believe that she wasn't being entirely truthful.

"As far as battle scars go, Garrus certainly has the more impressive set. Of course, he no longer feels their sting." At that, Liara's concern had become increasingly obvious. "As of right now this is only an hypothesis, Liara, but I am beginning to think that Shepard's implants are starting to integrate more naturally with the rest of her body. Her nervous system, to be more specific."

Liara frowned, now leaning against the desk to her right. If that were true, would Shepard be disguising this pain for her sake? "I'm sure she would have come to see you if there was any irritation regarding her scars. Shepard is quite the baby when it comes to pain."

Chakwas laughed at the new information. Whenever she was treating the esteemed commander, Shepard had always put on a brilliant soldier's façade. She would rarely wince or complain, even though Karin was always well aware that she never enjoyed her visits to the med bay. And now she knew why that was.

"Nevertheless, Liara, my reports are rather unnerving. I skirted around the topic when she last saw me; I could see that the subject was touchy. I offered to operate on her scars, but she dismissed it and went on with her duties. I'm not saying that an invasion of Commander Shepard's privacy is a good thing, but it is difficult to watch her suffer from such trivial pain while she struggles with whatever else the galaxy hurls at her." Chakwas leaned back in her seat, eyes focused on the data log she had just been reviewing. "You know her better than anyone on this ship, Liara. Can I trust you to keep what I am about to say to you confidential? From one doctor to another?"

The curious and concerned asari bit at her lip in hesitation. She knew almost everything there was to know about Shepard. They had shared memories through their meldings, though they hadn't shared that intimacy recently. What did Chakwas know that she didn't? The thought was enough to worry Liara. It meant that Shepard did not completely trust her. But Liara had to know. She finally nodded her response, worried blue eyes focused on the doctor.

"Shepard has ignored my warnings regarding her implants. She is aware that placing unnecessary stresses upon herself is disrupting the curative properties of the implants, and yet she keeps coming back from every mission with a new scar. Those are not gunshot wounds, Liara; they are fractures caused by stress. She is forcing rejection upon her implants, and the affects could be detrimental to her health."

Liara had the displeasure of being left aboard the Normandy during the latest missions on which Shepard had embarked. She couldn't help but wonder if this was why. She knew Shepard to be a compassionate soul when it counted, but this war had certainly left its mark on her patience. Shepard had been put into a position that required her to rally the galaxy at whatever the cost, and this hardened soldier knew when to employ ruthlessness. Liara had seen this firsthand when Shepard delivered a punch to James' jaw back on Mars.

"Dr. T'Soni, I need you to talk to the commander. For her sake, she needs to be calm about all this—as hard as that sounds. Her scarring might eventually affect her vision, and if it gets too out of hand, I'm not sure what I'll be able to do to help."

Without any need for further persuasion, Liara had already started for the door. "I'm on it, Karin."

* * *

Shepard stared up at the ceiling of her cabin, watching the swivels of reflected water from her illuminated (and empty) fish tanks. She had passed by the kiosk on the Citadel that sold little aquatic friends plenty of times on her strictly-business-visits. She wondered if she should give their purchase some more thought. Some other organic life form might help liven up her quarters, even it were just a fish or two. She perked up as three quiet knocks rapped at her door. She rubbed her forehead before rolling off her bed, suddenly realizing she was only wearing a loose tank top and briefs.

"Er, who is it?" She asked, looking around for at least a pair of sweatpants. She could hear Liara clear her throat on the other side of the door. That came as something of a relief. She abandoned her search for trousers and answered the door, where she greeted a blushing asari.

"Shepard! I didn't expect—"

"No one else gets the pleasure of seeing their commander in such a state, Liara." Shepard teased with a lopsided grin. She peeled herself away from the doorway to let Liara in, knitting her brows when she noticed her lover hesitate to enter. "Is something wrong?"

Liara's eyes were tracing those unfortunate scars that lined her commander's face so aggressively. They were always glowing, a sign that Shepard was no longer entirely organic.

"We need to talk, Shepard." She reached out and pressed her hand to Shepard's chest, pushing her back into her cabin. Liara froze and bit her lip then, realizing that she needed to be more composed about this. Too late, of course; Shepard was staring at her, bewildered.

"What's this about, Liara?" Shepard tried, voice soft but uncertain.

Liara lifted her hand to her brow where she cradled her head. She wasn't sure where to begin. She gasped when she felt fingertips caressing her cheek, and she looked up to capture Shepard's eyes. _Goddess, even her eyes are showing signs of strain._ Liara forced a smile, temporarily abandoning her resolve so that she could lose herself in the commander's touch. It had been some time since she had felt such tenderness from those calloused fingertips. She reached up and sandwiched her commander's hand between her own and her cheek.

"How did your last mission go?" Liara asked quietly, trying to remain somewhat lost in this moment.

"As if you need to ask," Shepard smirked, rubbing her thumb gently over the soft expanse of her lover's skin. "You're always watching me from that office of yours."

"Is that why you leave me behind these days?" Liara pushed, finding her resolve once more. There was no venom in her voice, but Shepard was still slightly taken aback.

"No, of course not." Shepard whispered, about to remove her hand, but Liara held her fast. Shepard allowed a small smile at that. "I'm just trying to keep you safe. Out of harm's way."

"You and I both know that I am capable of handling myself." Liara insisted, squeezing the hand that she held so tight against her cheek. "And you know that it drives me crazy to sit on this damned ship while you go out there and risk your life for a war that is nearly impossible to win!"

"Is that how you feel, Liara?" Shepard frowned, finally able to slide her hand free. "I'm giving all that I've got; I'm hoping it pays off in the end."

"And what if there isn't going to be an end to all this? What if you're out there, overexerting yourself for nothing?" Tears began to well up in those soft blue eyes. Shepard felt a jab to her heart while she watched her lover crumble before her. "This isn't what I'm here to talk about, but—Goddess, I can't help but feel like we've grown apart."

"Then let's talk. Okay?" Shepard offered hopefully, steadying her partner and helping her to the bed where they both took a seat. "I've been busy, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you."

"Then am I to be held responsible for these?" Liara touched the face of her lover, fingertips lightly grazing the overbearing fractures. Shepard's brow creased then. "You've been pushing yourself too hard."

At that, Shepard tore Liara's hand away from her and slipped back onto her feet. Liara made to follow Shepard's lead, but instead she remained sitting, stationary, frozen.

"You don't understand the mess I've been put in charge of piecing together. It's like mixing pieces of a bunch of different puzzles and trying to force them to fit—and of course they won't, because they were never intended to!" Shepard growled lowly, clutching her right cheek as pain seared through her skin. "It's all so…Pointless. I've glued the salarian, the turian, and even the krogan pieces together, but the bond is so unnatural that even the strongest adhesive won't keep them together for long. I've made decisions that no one else could possibly make, Liara. The consequences of my actions are mine alone to suffer."

"Why must you act as though you're so alone in this, Shepard?" Liara pleaded, her teary eyes watching her commander slump against the wall, cheek in hand. "Your burdens are my burdens; let me carry some of the weight on your shoulders."

"I could never do that to you, Liara." Shepard relinquished her cheek and turned to face her lover, who was now headed her way. "You don't understand how much I want to—"

"Then help me to understand! Shepard, we are in this together."

"No, we're not." There was an enduring silence, and then a _crack _as Liara's palm connected with Shepard's cheek. Shepard screwed her eyes shut as the pain seethed once more, grinding her teeth in frustration. "Liara—" She hadn't noticed until then the tears spilling from Liara's eyes.

"Shepard, how could you?" She cried, holding back relentless sobs. Shepard lowered her gaze, in spite of herself. Liara ruthlessly wiped at her eyes, trying so hard to regain her composure. It wasn't very often that Liara found herself crying. Shepard had been responsible for many of her tears, good or bad.

"I didn't mean it like that." Shepard promised, hoping to put an end to her lover's crying. Her heart throbbed for the asari, knowing damn well that she had caused so much pain for her during the short duration of time during which they had known each other. For Liara, their relationship's time span was little more than a blink of an eye. For Shepard, it had been a long three years.

"Then, you need to choose your words more carefully." Liara said almost dismissively. She continued to rub her eyes, but not with the same vigor as before. "I know that you've been forced to do things that you never wanted to do, Shepard. But I miss the compassionate Shepard that I met back on Therum. The one who rescued me from that biotic bubble out of sympathy, not because it would promise some petty alliance between warring species. You've taken risks in your life, but they have always been to ensure the safety of others. Lately, I haven't seen that same resolve in you."

"I have to do what I can to save people in the long run—"

"And three years ago you'd be doing the same thing, but taking the extra precautions to ensure that the innocents didn't perish in your efforts."

"I couldn't save the council," Shepard frowned, avoiding Liara's gaze. "I was doing everything right. I had the fleet, and I was able to take Saren down, but—"

"And you can't blame yourself for matters that are beyond your control. Don't let the mistakes slip you up, but don't disregard all of your options, either. You're not the ruthless soldier this war is forcing you to be." Liara leaned into her commander, and Shepard slowly worked her arms around her. "Be compassionate."

"That's the same advice Chakwas gave me," Shepard admitted, smiling to herself. "I take it you two have been talking."

"She wants you to stop straining yourself for the sake of this stupid war." Liara muttered into the crook of Shepard's neck. Shepard slid a hand up her back, holding her more securely. "You don't deserve the extra pain it's causing you."

"You don't like my scars?" Shepard half-heartedly teased, earning her a tired, unhappy moan. She inhaled Liara's scent before releasing a heavy sigh. "I'll try harder, Liara."

"And I'll try to keep you entertained on your downtime." Liara promised, causing Shepard to cast her a look. "But I must ask that you take me with you on your next mission. Let me help you." The two eventually separated themselves, Shepard taking to leaning once more against her wall.

"As terrible an idea as that is, I can't really object. I'm getting damned tired of Vega's company." Shepard admitted, cracking her fingers as she referenced the hotheaded lieutenant. Liara smiled knowingly. She was aware that Shepard's temper had been getting the best of her, and James was an easy target for her to take out her aggression on. Shepard might return from every mission sporting a new scar, but James almost always returned with a black eye or a busted lip—and he'd never let the enemy get _that _close.

"I need to get back to the lair," Liara sighed, grateful when Shepard cupped her chin to keep her there for just a moment longer. "You take care of yourself, Jean. And please, drop by next time you get the chance." She planted a chaste kiss upon Shepard's lips before making her exit, making sure to add that extra element of alluring in her step to leave Shepard breathless and eager for more.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Mass Effect.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for taking the time to read this. It's my first fanfiction, so any constructive criticism would be much appreciated.


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